Freedom

I love life. I feel the need to say this. I find it hard sometimes to relate to people who see the world in a dark, pessimistic, way. There is so much good all around us.This week has been hell- and one of the best learning experiences. Through the confusion, literal pain, nervousness, emptiness, hormones, and fear I was searching desperatley to find things I am thankful for. These are all the things that this week has brought me to be thankful for.

I am thankful for sunshine. To be able to lay out by the pool, getting more freckley by the second. I am also thankful for rain- the sound that it makes as it beats down outside as you lay snuggled in a warm blanket.

I am thankful for good food. The way fresh fruit tastes, or the way ice cream and frozen pizza can heal. I am also thankful for the odd amount of men that have cooked for me this week.

I am thankful for campfires- the smell of smoke in the air, perfectly browned marshmellows that melt in your mouth, and playing games while the fire crackles.

I am thankful for prayer- the way Heavenly Father can envelope you with his love, lead you to revelation, and the fact that one's cup can always be filled to the top if they simply search for answers.

I am thankful for family. Especially mine. My family is crazy but they always know what I need. When I need a wake up call- they will be the first ones to smack me upside the head with it, when I need some type of relief from my constant state of fear-  they will tell me something to distract me, or when it all becomes too much- they will listen to me cry for hours, even though they have other things to do. They will call doctors for me when it becomes to much, or pray with me across states.

I am thankful for service. I am thankful that Heavenly Father always gives me oppertunities to realize how small my own problems are, and teaches me how to connect with others even in times of hardship. I am thankful he always has answers hidden away in service.

I am thankful for dancing- and the way dancing around ones car with cute boys, with ones roommates, or by oneself in underwear always reminds you that life isn't about being serious- it's about capturing every moment.

I am thankful for clothes that make you feel sexy.

I am thankful for a wonderful job.

I am thankful for parties. Whether it be a big party at a hottub, a huge house party, a hiking party up to bridal falls, a bonfire, or even a game in a medow- I am thankful that people from all different places in life are able to relate to each other, connect with each other, and just be silly.

I am thankful for temples, and temple trips.

I am thankful for flirting. For the first glances and approaching each other, I am thankful for cheesy pick up lines, and shy laughter. I am thankful for the people who are willing to put themselves out there- and remind me what dating is all about.

I am thankful for laughter.

I am thankful for confidence. Confidence in others, and finding the confidence in yourself. Learning what you deserve, and feeling beautiful- finding it not only in others but in the mirror across the way.

I am thankful for first dates.I am thankful for the dates I went on. They were all so sweet, thought out, and made me feel like a princess.

I am thankful for all my new friends. The people who have hid on balconies, or even in bushes with me. The people who have pushed me in pools, or passed notes with me in church. In a week I have met so many people who simply let me in their lives and opened up their houses and their hearts to me. I love meeting new people you feel like you have known forever.

I am thankful for all my friends in general. Without you- I don't know what this week would have been like. I have spent every second with a different person, and each of you have done different things for me. I am thankful to Hannah for letting me burst out into tears in her room, and her just stroking my head and getting me kleenex while I just listed everything wrong. I am thankful to the other Hannah who, first- got me the best job ever, but then invited me out of my house and out of my mind for some good shopping and get togethers. I am thankful to Seth who texted me, and rekinddled our awesome friendship and then agreed to let me buy him a fish. I am thankful to Audrey who danced to Britney Spears with me. I am thankful to Kat who spent the night when I felt unsure of myself, and then let me scream in a parking lot with frustration. I am thankful to Lawrence who helped me move, made me food, then spent hours giggling on the floor while cinderella played in the backround. I am thankful to Riley- who showed me his guns (get it?), and just shook his head every time I turned something sexual- who gave me some speech about what type of a man I deserve. I am thankful to David- who listened patiently and kept telling me it would all get better- and then stayed up late when I felt like I couldn't sleep. I am thankful to Mike who just told me to get better, that he was more worried about my health when I said I couldn't make his wedding. I am thankful to JJ- who came to my house every day just to ask if I wanted to do stuff, or danced with me in the middle of the street. I am thankful to Cal- who has done everything in his power to cheer me up/listen- including cussing along with me, and singing to me. He has supported me, checked up on me, stood beside me, and listened to me rant for hours and hours. I am thankful to Jessica and Elizabeth who I feel spiritually enlightened me and reminded me of what's most important. I am thankful for Hayley who made me some smoothie, and instead of saying I told you so when I thought she would said "You have a lot going on, and I love you, and miss you" before we joined the rest of the ward for casablanca in the park night. I am thankful for facebook messages from Cali reminding me to stay strong, or calls from Natalie in which I end up crying because I am laughing so hard. I am thankful for Cade who has set up game night for me like twenty times, and always is patient when I bail out. I am thankful for Noelle for making me food and telling three hour long stories about nothing with. I am thankful for Bergens texts, and  honesty- telling me things I need to hear. I am thankful for the talks melissa sent me and urged me towards. I am thankful for Brad's random texts/jokes that always brighten my day and make me miss him. I am thankful for Nates updates on Georgia and still being my older borther across states. I am thankful for Corrine for calling me and talking in funny accents. I am thankful for Dave who not only helped me move everything, but also fixed my computer when it shut down. I am thankful for him and Jake for staying up til late late hours watching stupid youtube movies and giggling about what type of babies I would have. I am thankful that Heavenly Father brought such amazing people into my life. I am thankful for all the people who knew what ALL was going on, and for the people who knew one or two things and pretended that how emotional I was acting was normal. I am thankful for the people who didn't know at all and just remained awesome friends. I am thankful that Heavenly father literally sent me the most amazing people ever that I don't deserve. I have gotten four texts every night with options of things to do- and so never once have I stayed at home to get lost in some pity party. I have had people make me food, bring me food, bring me candy, bring me brownies, bring me juice, bring me soda- and most of those were just coincedences. I take you guys for granted a lot, and it takes true desperation- when I need you the most- to remind me how awesome you are. I honestly don't deserve you at all.

I am so thankful to be me. I am thankful that somehow, I did something right, that I am awesome enough to have so many people reach out to me- even when I am not reaching back.

I am thankful for the plan Heavenly Father has for me. Even with the lulls, I am so thankful to be here.