The truth about "Everything Happens For a Reason"

“Everything happens for a reason” 

 Every time I hear this line it makes my skin crawl. Partly because, yes, it’s true. Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes, just sometimes, there is a second part to that truth. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason is that God gave people agency to make terrible decisions. 

The sentence “Everything happens for a reason” makes it sound like every decision that you make, or worse, that people make to you, was INTENDED to happen. But that simply isn’t true. So let me take time to say things I think you need to hear.

 God didn’t intend for you to be used against your will, to be molested, bullied, raped, beat, or manhandled by someone.

 God didn’t intend for your spouse, loved one, or family member to desert you.

 God didn’t intend for your loved one to die from a drunk driver, a shooting, a murder, or for either of you to be injured by the actions of someone else.

God did not INTEND for you to go through misery, pain, and suffering because someone else made that decision for you. You were not put on this earth just to have that happen. No, he didn’t and wouldn't do that to you. He allowed it to happen, yes, but allowing and intending are two different things.

 I give you two examples. One is a nerdy, Harry Potter Spoiler alert, and the other is a long, somewhat confusing story. Pick your poison, choose your own adventure.

 This is something that I struggled with for a long time. I heard the phrase over and over, and all I could think about was the people that God saved. If everything was to happen for a reason, and some people were able to be saved from my situation, then God must have intended me to be hurt. And if he intended hurt and pain at the hands of someone else, then he must not like me very much. It’s extremely hard to trust someone that you believe wishes you harm. The phrase “Everything happens for a reason” made me feel attacked. The thing I wish someone had said to me instead was “There is nothing that you go through that God can’t consecrate for your good.” 

Yes, heartache and pain are part of this life. Heavenly Father knows you are going to go through them. He lets them happen because it’s part of your growing process. As CS Lewis says “The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not”. He doesn’t let anything come your way that he can’t rescue you from, or you can’t find your way out of.

Anything that happens to you can become your own Phoenix rising from the Ashes. I’ve seen a girl, who was abused by her father and she used those experiences to do the opposite of him and become the best mom I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve seen people who struggled with addiction become counselors at rehabilitation facilities. I don’t think God intended Elizabeth Smart to be kidnapped and raped, but he knew that when all was said and done she would be able to rise from that experience and become an outspoken advocate against rape culture in religion and a personal example to many women in the church. I don’t wish those experiences on her, but I am grateful for her example as a pioneer for women because of everything she’s been though.

 God loves you. I have wrestled, grappled, and fought with this truth for all of my life. I have felt that it was impossible. That due to who I was, what I’d done, and what he allowed to have happened to me in my life that this fact had to be false. It was true of other people, but never of me. I have heard many of you say this of yourselves as well and I have cried with you. Because I knew that no matter what I said you would not hear me. I know, because I had been there. But I ask you this question- why would God create you already deficient? Do you think that there is anything on this earth the Savior has not experienced with you? And if God allowed his only begotten to suffer that with you, don’t you think he has a plan for you on how to move past it, better than before?

 I debated whether or not to write this, and then Brayden, the very person who helped me find my own answers, recently sent me the passage above.  General conference talked about turning to God. And I kept trying to scream at the top of my lungs to everyone “GOD LOVES YOU.” He knows where he’s leading you, despite the roadblocks along the way. He knows what those trials can lead you to become. He knows that the very things that feel like they are going to break you are the ones that might turn you into warriors, healers, teachers, and examples of him. He knows how to comfort you, he knows how to heal your broken pieces, and he understands the pain and anger you feel. He never INTENDED for you to be hurt. But he intends to help you become better from it. He will consecrate all things for your good. “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good”.

There is no bad thing on this earth that God can’t use for his purposes of good. He can turn every difficult thing into something useful. The way I see it, every prophet in the scriptures lived through their fair amount of trials. Those trials didn’t reflect God’s lack of love, care, or insight. So I’m sorry. I am sorry for you that have had agency hold you down, steal your happiness, your breath, and your faith. I have been there. But don’t cut out the one person that knows how to make it right. It’s okay in the end if you don’t make it out the same as before, but don’t distance yourself and allow yourself to be bitter. I know it’s the easier path, but you haven’t seen the Phoenix God intends to make of you yet.