I think it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore.

What ever happened to respect?

I sat in church today, texts coming at a rapid pace, and I couldn't even focus on the funny love/hate notes Jeff was writing to me. Every text piercing deeper and deeper at my psyche, that no amount of "Jeffery Sexy loves Lexi" could cure. Once church was done, I stopped fake smiling and found a bench away from everyone else. I stared blankly at the wall ahead,  unsure whether I was going to cry or throw up, just saying internal prayers that I would rise above it.

I am a very honest person. If you want a personal story, or to know dirty details of my life it doesn't take very much to get it out of me. I am fast to tell people the circumstances of my life. I feel there is a very big difference between that and defacing someones character. It's one thing to say "I did this, then this happened" and a completely other one to judge and remark on someones character, virtue, and looks. As the texts kept coming telling me what was being said- the difference has never seemed so stark obvious.

Seth sat down next to me silently, waiting for me to speak. We sat in silence as the ward slowly filed out the doors, and I just shook my head- unsure of even attempting words. He tried to ask gently, but I closed off even more. I simply shook my head and put my hands on my face. Soon I collected myself, and just walked with him, once we got to his apartment I was pacing around- the hurt slowly disintegrated and fury taking it's place.

As I told him all the things that an ex-ish character was saying about me, to many different people- I realized a lot of things. One of the main things I realized was as girls and boys we can be really cruel when it comes to the end of dating. Why can't we just be honest with ourselves and with others? Why can't we just tell others  when they ask- that it just wasn't meant to be? Why don't we realize that we can't be right for every person, and stop being as offended when we aren't? Why can't we take what we learned from that relationship- and respect the other person as someone who just wasn't the one? Why do we feel the need to tell the whole world why that person didn't "measure up" or try to justify that it wasn't right?

I have the opportunity now. I could play the same game. But the thing is- it wouldn't make me feel any better about the situation, and it would make me feel worse about myself. I would rather focus on myself and moving on- then focus on making everyone aware of that persons faults. So I choose to remain , as I see it, classy. I will continue giving generated responses of "It just didn't work out", "we wanted two different things", "we weren't on the same page" and hope that people trust and like me enough to defend me when he doesn't.

I think if you are looking for an adult relationship- the first rule you need to learn is to respect others and their characters. Going around telling people the other persons secrets that they entrusted you with and using them against them is something people did in middle school.

It's time to accept that it's okay to not be right for someone; it's typically not a reflection on either of you but instead an experience to teach you things before the right one. It's okay to find reasons not to want someone anymore- but the rest of the world doesn't need to hear them. Especially because you are just talking trash about someone elses future spouse. I don't like the idea of some girl telling her whole ward my future fiances faults as she sees them. I also don't want to date anyone that tears other girls apart, because you know if it ends you are going to be on that list.

Just remind yourself that the other person trusted you enough to be themselves around you, and there was bound to be some bad that you saw. Don't tell the world those personal experiences and portray the other person negatively. You once saw something great about them otherwise you wouldn't have been with them to begin with. Learn to accept that regardless how it started and why it ended- it just didn't work out, it wasn't meant to, and let it be. Respect them, love them, love yourself, accept the circumstances as they are, and move on.