Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Seems I'm too hip to keep tight lipped, and you're on the gossip team

Okay so I have been getting all of your emails and facebook messages. I am blown away by the fact that people actually read this but I need to clarify a few things.

First- and foremost- this is not a heart break blog. After reading posts, and seeing how little people know about whats going on in my life- I can see misunderstanding that. But it's not. My heart is still very much intact. I can attest that yes, I have been very clear there is a lot of things going on in my life, and that most of it is not positive right now. There are other issues that have nothing to do with romance going on, and these are the things I am trying to overcome.

So why focus on romance? I honestly think it's because I am a female. What else does a female obsess and think about 24/7? Men, in life, are taught to be practical. They are taught that they are supposed to provide, to conquer, to beat, to succeed, and women are taught to find themselves within men. Women's goals, especially at BYU, are dependant on men, and men's are dependant on themselves. Men will think about bills to pay, while women think about men. Men read books about finance, women about men. Men watch movies about how to take down rabid zombies when the world ends, women watch movies about other women winning men. So it's natural that when things go haywire- somehow I link it to men in my mind. It's natural as a woman to think that love would make me happy. And I do believe- in the actual scheme of things- this is a true statement. Everything is easier when you have someone besides you to take the load, share the burden, brush the tears out of your eyes. But it's more then just my wiring as a woman, I think that when everything around me starts spinning out of control- I instinctively focus on the one part that I feel I can do something about. Can I fix another person? No but can I figure out what I want from a man? Yes. Can I start making sense of my life? yes. Is romance a part of my life? well that depends on the day.

I am writing this blog so I can muddle through the discoveries of life. Every day we have so many "aha" moments that don't get thought all the way out, or that we forget the next day. We think we finally have opened a door to what love is, how society functions, what we did wrong- and the next day it is out of our grasp. I am writing about me, my discoveries, my thoughts, my aha moments. I am not writing to tell you that my date went really good, I hate boys, or I got a coke zero- raise the roof. This isn't my life summary, my way to complain about being hurt, or some blog trying to tell you what I think about every subject. This is my way of making it through each day- believing I learned something. That even if the day was horrible- I was able to make sense of something.

Second- Am I going to get in depth on here about my problems/ relationship status? I am sure it is written in between the lines- but I am glad to say, unlike high school, I am learning the importance of discretion. While I love all my friends, and would love to tell them every story, and hear every story of them- sometimes there are parts of your life that need to remain between you and those people. A relationship gets awkward if both people are talking about every part of it to every person. A lot of my discoveries are through other people- and so sometimes I will mention something vague. Other times, if I feel the person wouldn't mind (ex. Court, Dr.) I will be a little more specific. But all in all- I'd be happier knowing other people weren't talking about me- so I will give others the same respect. This will not be the place that you will hear about my torrid love affair with James Marsdin. I also do not want to be pitied- so I see no reason to complain about my own small problems.

Thought of the day- I am starting to finally realize something I've been blissfully ignoring- if a man acts like he could care less- he probably could care less. And if he wants to be with you- he really will do anything to make that happen. I see it on Ri's face as he talks about the miscommunication in his life and how he is going to show her he cares. I see it on Lauren's face as she talks about her and Josh's two year dating scheme, and how he wooed her. And I see it every time I  open the fridge to see my newly acquired raspberry lemonaid with a note that say "You are beautiful, and I am thinking of you."  

1 comment:

  1. You'd be surprised (actually probably not) by how much men too can focus on romance. But, also zombies... and zombie romance. But, as I am so fond of saying, everything in life boils down to our relationships with each other. So.... yeah, I getcha (sometimes).

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