"But then she started telling me about her past and how she used to cut herself. Too much drama. Also she listens to crap music. I mean crap." One of my best friends was saying idly as we watched the Dallas basketball game. It was silent for a little while and he looked to me for confirmation. I could hear the words that he wanted me to say in my mind, the same words I told him every time we had these conversations. Instead I stayed silent, absently playing with the fraying on the couch. Eventually I could ignore his penetrating gaze no longer.
"How long ago did she cut?" I asked hesitantly- knowing I was treading into unknown territory.
"When she was like fifteen. Does it matter?" His eyes still glued to the game.
"Well if it was recently, yes. But if it was something from her past- it's not like you can fault her on it."
"I guess," He confirmed. "But she's just not the one. I think I need to end it."
I knew he was still expecting the speech. I should have responded with 'Ya, you can do better. Keep searching', but haven already taken the plunge into unknown territory I decided to dig myself into a deeper hole. "Because she listens to bad music?"
"Because she listens to terrible music, she always has to tell me how she is "feeling" , and she hates sports." He listed, exasperated with me that I wasn't following.
"Those are pretty small as far as faults go," I remarked. The crowd on tv was cheering as Dallas scored again, but instead he was looking at me in amazement. As his eyes searched my face, looking for some sign to give me away, it dawned on me how far I've come. With him intently staring at me, I started to become self conscious, and so I laughed and punched him in the arm. "Stop looking at me like that. All I'm saying is two weeks ago you were head over heals for her. And the reasons you're giving me are such small reasons. If you are looking for someone perfect, you are never going to find her."
He snorted and went back to facing the tv. "This is perfect, coming from the 'He's great... but' girl."
"What does that even mean?"
"You. You are the queen of finding the weirdest reasons to end things."
"Like what?"
"He doesn't have enough 'passion'. He's not going to make very much money. He likes a tv show you find feminine. The list goes on."
"Okay, okay but I've learned since then."
"Since... what yesterday?" When I responded with a childish face he wrapped his arm around me and laughed. "Okay, okay. After dating you know who " I tried to interrupt him with a face but he ignored it and continued " you are obviously learning how to accept faults. But just remember- there is a difference between accepting and turning a blind eye okay?"
The more I think about it, the more I see my friends doing it- looking and imagining this perfect person that we would spend our future with. And when a potential love interest admits to us something we don't like- we feel something in us switch, and start looking for all the other things we can dissect. I am learning, people are all twenty percent bad and eighty percent good- it all depends what you are looking for. Another experience.
As we lay in a meadow, looking up at the stars, talking about everything and anything I start admitting some of my deepest fears. Seth interupts and says "The more I get to know of you- the more I realize you have everything a guy is looking for."
I sit there listening to the echos of that sentence- knowing he is probably saying it only to qualm my fears and going silent for the first time of the night. Then I prove him wrong by continuing to argue with this sentence passionately. We start arguing about whether or not I am 'everything a guy could hope for' and I am arguing as if this was the most offensive thing anyone can ever say to me. I start going on and on about how I don't want any guy to think of me as perfect, or look to me to be able to fill every part of him.
As I start to think it through out loud I start to realize- love isn't about finding someone perfect. It's not about finding someone that thinks the same way you do about every little thing. It's not about loving all the bad things about someone. It's not about looking for this perfect dream and finding someone "good enough for you". Love is seeing someone as they are- the good and the bad. It's seeing the bad and thinking to yourself 'It drives me insane, but I can handle it.' Friend number 1 was right- it's not turning a blind eye. It's knowing that who ever you are going to marry is going to be imperfect- they won't see eye to eye with you on everything- but life is better around with them and all their annoying quirks.
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